100 years worth of journals
by Squint-la
Summary: I saw the extended scenes for Twilight and had an idea: what if Bella read Edward's journals? This is the story of what she finds out. Rating may change later on, I have to see where I end up going with it.
1. The Journals

100 years worth of journals

AN- Dang, I've posted, what, 3 new stories today?!? I have no life (it's summer). Post-BD. This is an idea I got when I saw the extended scenes. Edward told Bella not to read them, so of course she does. No idea where I'm going with this. Review or PM ideas to me if you have them, I'll try to post them. I don't own Twilight or Jasper and Alice would be the main characters cuz they're AWESOME!! And Rosalie would...get seriously injured. Anywayzles, on with the story!

"Yeah, I wouldn't read those."  
His words rang in my head as I sat on the bed he had bought for me, staring at the pile of journals. All of them his, written by him, and I wasn't supposed to read any. What could possibly be written that he didn't want me to read? I looked around; no one was watching. It couln't hurt to just page through one journal. I reached for the books, carefully and quietly selecting the one at the very bottom of the pile. The date was August 2nd, 1918. This was what I was looking for. I began to read the words written in Edward's elegant manuscript.

August 02, 1918 I think I am in shock.  
Dr. Carlisle Cullen just told me that I am dead. He explained that my mother's dying wish was for me to be saved from the illness that had taken her life. To fulfill her wishes, he claimed that he had turned me into a vampire.  
At first I doubted him, but the instant I looked in a mirror, I assumed that that was the best explanation. The creature I saw was not me. The glaring red eyes were a dead giveaway. So was the pale white skin and lack of resemblance to my original appearance. I stared at this utterly inhuman creature that was supposedly me. I felt my throat burning as I stared. Dr. Cullen tells me that this means I am thirsty and that we will go hunting soon. I am not entirely sure what that means.  
~Edward Anthony Masen _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I read over the entry several times. I'd never really thought about when Edward had turned into a vampire. He had always been that way to me, and I found it hard to imagine him differently. There seemed to be more entries on that subject, so I kept reading.

August 03, 1918 I found out last night what Dr. Cullen meant by "hunting": we go into the woods, find an animal, and drink its blood. My throat is still burning, but a great deal less. Dr. Cullen says that animal blood is a less-satisfying substitute for human blood. He says that he would like me to hunt animals, like he does, but that I don't need to. He jokes that he is a 'vegetarian' vampire. I suppose that's partly true.  
I can't sleep now. At all. I guess it's a vampire thing, because we never get tired, either. That's going to take some getting used to. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about being a vampire. As Dr. Cullen says, we are immortal, so I will never know if vampire life is better than death. I am vaguely aware that I am different now, though, apart from the bloodlust. Not as...alive.  
~Edward Anthony Masen _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For the next few entries, there wasn't anything special. Hunting, humans, eye color, etcetera. One entry, however, caught my eye; it was about Esme. I heard Edward coming up the stairs, though, so I noted the page number and replaced the journal at the bottom of the pile. I would be back in the morning.

AN- And it's done! I apologize for any grammar/spelling issues, feel free to point them out, but be nice! I'll fix them ASAP. Oh, as an afterthought...whoever goes by the name You're An Idiot/You Idiot/Still An Idiot, thank you. It's always good to know when people don't like your work. I probably won't delete the stories, but I appreciate the honesty!  
I lost the game,  
~Squint-la 


	2. Esme

100 Years Worth Of Journals

Chapter 2-Esme

BPOV

**AN: Okay, I wrote this over the course of 2 days no less than every free second I had in school. Right now, I'm typing it while under the influence of the greatest band in the United States (except maybe Paramore), 100 Monkeys. If you haven't heard of them, go. Now. My stories can wait. That's www. 100monkeysmusic. com. Just take out the spaces. Anyway, once you've done that, read this chapter!**

I went down to dinner that night, thinking of nothing but Edward's journals. After about an hour of the Cullens trying hopelessly to engage me in conversation, I was excused and ran up to Edward's room.

Going back up to read the journals felt like going into a war zone. It's not like I wasn't welcome in Edward's room, but I was being sneaky, so it felt really wrong. Curiosity got the better of me, though, so I cracked open the journal and picked up where I left off.

* * *

_August Twenty-Sixth, 1918_

_Carlisle met someone at the hospital today. A woman. He can't tell me her name, but he says it's very beautiful. She is a few years older than he is. She came in for a check-up because she's pregnant. Carlisle says that he's been her doctor for a while, but I'm the only one he's ever mentioned her to._

_Going only on what he said about her, I would likely guess that he is in love with her. Considering the fact that, by some bizarre twist of fate, I can hear his thoughts, however, I _know_ that he is in love. She is all he ever thinks about. I even know her name: Esme. It's French. I haven't yet told him about this "gift", so he doesn't monitor his thoughts well. No one is supposed to know her name or personal information, for confidentiality reasons, but I know almost everything about her. There are times when I have to feign hunting, when his thoughts get out of hand. I don't feel quite ready to tell him about my "ability"; I want to see what it's like first._

_Sincerly,  
Edward Anthony Masen_

I skipped the next few pages, anxious to read more. I was curious to see when Edward told Carlisle about his "talent". Seeing Esme mentioned again in late September, I flipped to that page.

* * *

_September Thirtieth, 1918_

_Carlisle saw Esme again today. She had her baby, a son, named Charles II. Apparently her husband's name is Charles. Carlisle knows that he and Esme could never be together, but that doesn't stop him from being upset about the situation. He tries as hard as possible not to let me know about his feelings for Esme, and if it weren't for my "gift", it would work. I'm currently weighing the benefits of telling him as opposed to keeping it to myself. All I know is that I'm getting kind of tired of his wild fantasies of himself and Esme. Hearing others' thoughts can be useful, though. We stay in one place for a while, so once Carlisle thinks it's safe for me to go out in public, I'll be able to tell when people know our secret, and we can leave. I'm not ready to be around humans yet, but Carlisle talks about me at work. He calls me Edward Cullen, says that I'm his foster son. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that._

_Sincerly,  
Edward A.M. Cullen_

_

* * *

_

These entries had shocked me in a number of ways. To start, I'd never really thought about Carlisle without Esme. Imagining her not only married to someone else, but _pregnant,_ was shocking on its own. I wanted to read more, but again I was stopped by Edward's footsteps on the stairs. I put back the journal once more and ran out to meet him.

~END CHAPTER~

**AN: Yay! Another one! After 7 months of no updates, well, here you go! And if you haven't yet visited the site above, _do it. NOW._**

**Review :)**


	3. Family

100 Years Worth of Journals

Chapter 3- Family

**AN: Finally! I'm alive again! Have I mentioned that I hate schoolwork? I can't update ANYTHING anymore! Well, we have break coming up, so count on more than one story updated every weekend! The next one will be new, called Miracles Happen, but then I'll update The Time Machine! Yay meeeeeeee!**

Bella's POV

"Bella, is Charlie home right now?"

Alice's wind-chime voice rang through the house. I thought it over for a minute, and replied, "Why?" Despite the fact that she was upstairs, I knew she would hear me.

"Oh, well everyone but Carlisle and Esme is going hunting. I wasn't sure if you could go home, or if you'd rather stay here."

I thought for another minute. Staying might worry Charlie, but it would give me a chance to read the journals without Edward here. I'd read for 3 days straight, no interruptions. "Um, I don't think so. I'll just stay here, if that's okay."

Alice was at my side in 3 seconds flat. She smiled brightly. "Awesome. Just give me a few minutes to tell him where you'll be. I promise I'll lie well." She winked and skipped off for the phone.

Once I was sure that they were all out of the house, I raced up to Edward's room. The journals were exactly as I'd left them. I grinned and picked up the first one. I was over halfway through, which surprised me. I'd have expected Edward to write more often. Oh well, it didn't matter. I opened to the right page and continued reading.

* * *

_November Second, 1918_

_Carlisle just returned home from the hospital again. The idea of a vampire as a doctor amuses me. It seems so _odd._ Anyway, Esme came home with him this time. He must have transformed her, as I can still hear her screaming. I remember too clearly what my own transformation had been like; the burning raged on for days, to the point where you were begging for death. Carlisle only changes the near-dead. I heard rumors that Esme attempted suicide after her son's death. Perhaps that's why he changed her._

_I made the decision to tell Carlisle about my "gift." He has a right to know, as does Esme. Perhaps Carlisle will find a way to explain what it is. I hope so, as I'm curious myself. I'll wait until Esme's transformation is through, and tell them together._

_~Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_

_November Fifth, 1918_

_Esme is now a vampire. I had the chance to talk to her, and she's a very nice woman. Like all vampires, she looks much different than she did three days ago. She and Carlisle left to hunt, as she is a newborn and thirsty. I stayed behind, allowing them to be alone._

_Earlier today, I told them about my "gift." Carlisle took it well, considering what I was expecting. Esme didn't seem to mind. Both seemed interested in the idea. Carlisle was about to explain something, but Esme really needed to hunt._

_~Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_

* * *

"Whatcha reading?" inquired Esme, alerting me of her standing in the doorway. I closed the journal quickly, marking the page with my thumb.

"Oh, nothing," i replied nervously, trying to sound casual. She picked the book up and rifled through it.

"Is this Edward's journal?" she asked, frowning. "I thought he burned this."

"Oh, I see. I wanted to know what it was. I didn't really _read_ it."

She nodded, slearly not convinced. "Well, keep doing what you're doing. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"Okay. Bye!" I waved, waiting for her to leave. Once she was out of sight, I reached for the journal and found my place.

* * *

_December Seventh, 1918_

_December. Hard to believe it's been 5 moths since I became a vampire. The ground is covered in snow, yet it doesn't bother me. The only issue is the lack of wild game for hunting._

_Being a vampire isn't as bad as I'd originally thought. I've met several humans in Carlisle's workplace, and they didn't notice anything strange about me. Carlisle told them that hospitals bothered me, as an excuse to get me out before I killed anyone. Since I am still a young vampire, I have restraint issues on occasion. Humans aren't good company for me._

_Esme's been around here for a while now. She and Carlisle appear to be a couple now. They truly are in love. I can't help but wonder...is there someone for me? I have never felt love before towards anyone outside my family. I see attractive girls, but none that I honestly _love._ I've always been something of an introvert, so love is a foreign emotion for me. Still, Carlisle's happy, so I can't help but wonder..._

_~Edward A.M. Cullen_

* * *

Surprise. Alarm. Wonder. Emotions flurried in my head as I attempted to process what I'd just read. I knew Edward hadn't ever met a woman before me, but to be _jealous _of Carlisle? I hardly believed it.

I wanted so badly to keep reading, but my human tendencies interrupted when my stomach grumbled. I groaned and headed downstairs for lunch.

**AN: Sooo? Like it? Love it? Hate it? PRESS HERE! See? Here. \/ \/ \/ It's a magical little button with the power to make me smile. A lot. Like this, see? :) :) :) :)**


	4. Rosalie

100 Years' Worth of Journals

Chapter 4-Rosalie

**AN: I am sooo squeefully happy at the amount of reviews I have been getting for this story! Most people would look at 20 reviews and say it was a small amount, but…I guess I just have low expectations :) Anyway, I don't really like this story that much (Bella gets on my nerves and I don't like emo Edward), so I was totally gonna scrap it, but since you all seem to love it so much…I will keep it going. However, I'm super lost on where to go after this chapter, so a little help would be greatly appreciated. That means…REVIEW!**

**Chapter time!**

Bella's POV

I ate lunch as quickly as possible to get back to the journals before Edward got home. When I got back up to Edward's room, I found where I had left off, and noted the date of the last entry in the journal. I only had about 2 months worth left in this journal, and there were only 12 journals! _He must have stopped writing as much once the others got here, _I reasoned. _They can be rather distracting._

I also noticed that the entries skipped over a few years, and the next interesting one was dated 1922. I made a mental note to ask Esme about this, since she now knew that I was reading the journals.These thoughts aside, I kept reading, more eager than ever to read Edward's thoughts.

_May 23__rd__, 1922_

_Carlisle's created another vampire. She is a blonde woman, and he says that she comes from a very dignified, high-class family. He found her on the street, fatally injured, and had the choice to either change her or let her die. He chose to add her to our expanding family._

_I suppose I am happy to have a sister, or whatever she will be to me. But this is a selfish feeling. Carlisle continues to tell me that we are nearly human, we have souls, we are not monsters, et cetera. I do not believe him. If we cannot die, how can we possibly have souls? They have already been taken from us. For this reason, I cannot help but feel sorrow for this new addition. She had a wonderful, _human_ life, and it was taken from her. I suppose that vampirism is something of a favorable outcome to death, but it is a half-life. A cursed life. I feel selfish being excited to have a sibling, given the circumstances._

_Carlisle brought the young woman (her name is Rosalie, he tells me) home yesterday, and she seems to be coming out of the transformation process at the moment. I hear her screams becoming quieter, and her mind forming coherent thoughts rather than visions of flames surrounding her. I would like to be with my new sister when she wakes up._

_Edward A. M. C._

_May 24__th__, 1922_

_Rosalie doesn't appear very happy about becoming a vampire. I honestly do not blame her. Though she reacted much more emotionally, crying as much as was possible for a vampire, we both were upset to learn what we are. She wants to have children, which is impossible for a vampire. I feel incredible sorrow for her._

_Carlisle and Esme are both concerned. Rosalie has been a vampire for 13 hours and she still refuses to talk to any of us. She also will not drink animal blood, though she is quite thirsty. Carlisle is trying to persuade her, but I can hear from her thoughts that she is quite adamant. Perhaps I can attempt to appeal to her._

_Edward A. M. C._

Reading Edward's first opinions on Rosalie wasn't entirely surprising. I'd heard the whole story before; she didn't want to be a vampire, because she wanted children, and Edward felt sorry for her.

I flipped through the rest of the journal, not seeing much of interest. The last page, however, caught my eye, and I nearly dropped the book when reading it.

_July 17__th__, 1923_

_I'm leaving them. Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Vampires are not meant to live like this. We are pretending to be something we're not. We are monsters, monsters who need human blood to survive. I am leaving behind Carlisle and his "vegetarians." I won't be writing much more. I've no need for it._

_Edward A. M. C._

**AN: Hahahaha, cliffhanger! I'm so evil :D Actually, I'm just way confused on where to go from here. I also hate writing as Edward. So, a little help would be appreciated! Please review with ideas? I'll give you cyber cookies and let you pet Seth!**

** P.S. Extra cookies to the reviewer who can find the other fandom that I quoted in this chapter! (You have to tell me the quote, not just guess.)**

** Peace out!**

** ~Squint-la**


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